


still not complaining

by goldenthunderstorms, kindalonelyqueerkid



Category: The Gentleman's Guide to Vice and Virtue Series - Mackenzi Lee
Genre: Angst, Disaster Gays, Even if it Takes a While, Fluff and Angst, Friends With Benefits, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Percy has a service dog, We wrote this instead of sleeping, american writers who have given up on british slang, arwyn has too much fin with the angst, arwyn is never writing full length modern fic again, felicity and monty deserve a good relationship, friends with benefits au nobody asked for, fun fact this was inspired by 90 days by p!nk, hopefully in character, hopefully we handle that okay, i mean there is, i wish there was a plot, its all implied - Freeform, monty gets drunk a lot, mostly - Freeform, no actual smut thats why the rating is the way it is, read at your own emotional risk, so we try to give them one, started as a one shot that has expanded into two parts, we got angst, we got fluff, wow me and alix finally wrote more stuff, yeah henry sr can choke, yes we made a playlist for this too
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-31
Updated: 2019-09-28
Packaged: 2020-07-27 16:23:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 16,977
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20049010
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/goldenthunderstorms/pseuds/goldenthunderstorms, https://archiveofourown.org/users/kindalonelyqueerkid/pseuds/kindalonelyqueerkid
Summary: "Kissing your best friend at a family wedding is a terrible idea. Kissing your straight best friend while you’re both past-tipsy is an even worse idea.So why I’m kissing Percy, I don’t know.Maybe because Percy kissed me.So perhaps the straight part is debatable.But I don’t have time to worry about Percy’s sexuality because he’s pinning me to the door of some ornate bedroom belonging to some distant cousin of mine."the friends with benefits au that nobody asked for but everyone neededbrought to you by the dynamic duo that authored the acclaimed Carry On fanfic: a million little secrets!





	1. Part I

**Author's Note:**

> its a gents guide so yall know to expect mentions of alcoholism and child abuse  
see the bottom for a link to the playlist!

**Part I**

Kissing your best friend at a family wedding is a terrible idea. Kissing your _ straight _best friend while you’re both past-tipsy is an even worse idea.

So why I’m kissing Percy, I don’t know.

Maybe because Percy kissed me.

So perhaps the straight part is debatable.

But I don’t have time to worry about Percy’s sexuality because he’s pinning me to the door of some ornate bedroom belonging to some distant cousin of mine. I can taste liquor on his tongue and feel it in his roaming touch. _ God _, it feels so good. I’ve spent the night dodging well-meaning questions from relatives and less well-meaning looks from my father. I’ve talked to countless glasses of champagne about it. But I hadn’t expected the opportunity to get distracted by someone else. But here’s Percy, kissing me like he needs it to live.

So I give in. I return the kiss and let him pin me to the door. I let him pull my hair as I fall to my knees. Percy comes home with me after the wedding, both of us nearly wasted, and I let him press me into the mattress.

\---

I wake up beside Percy around four in the morning. Percy is still asleep. I’m sore but in a good way. My suit is somewhere on the floor in a pile, probably wrinkled beyond belief. I watch Percy’s chest rise and fall and wait. Typically, I’d be out of the building by now, but we’re in my bedroom so there’s nowhere to escape to.

Regret feels heavy on my chest. I’m not often worried about my midnight trysts but this is _ Percy _. I worry that I’ve ruined the only good relationship in my life for a shag. Perhaps I should make my escape after all.

I sit up, trying to push the covers off without stirring Percy. I’m upright and about to stand up when I hear Percy shuffle, sigh, and roll over. “Monty,” he says, voice gravelly. I don’t turn around to face him.

“Morning, Perce,” I say, easily, like we aren’t both naked in my bed with my teeth marks on his neck and his fingerprints on my hips. Like we both don’t remember last night. Like the sound of the same voice moaning my name isn’t all I can hear when he speaks to me now. And I hate it.

Percy is my best friend. Nothing more. He’s always felt like the only sure thing in my life since we were kids. We’re nineteen and it still feels that way. I can’t lose him to this.

“Monty,” he says again. I turn around to look at him and he’s sitting up, dark curls in all directions and brown eyes bleary. “What happened last night?”

I stop, scratching at my neck. “I think it’s pretty obvious, Percy.”

He stares at me for a long while. I’m scared to move, scared to breathe. Percy chews his lip.

“What?” I snap, not able to handle the suspense anymore.

Percy looks almost scared, cringing a little when he asks, “Did last night mean something to you?”

I sigh, relieved, and it comes out tripping on a small laugh. “No, Perce, don’t worry. I’m not about to force you into marriage for violating me.” I stand, stretching, feeling better about this all. As long as he doesn’t hate me for all this.

Percy chuckles, awkwardly.

I turn to look at him again. “Relax, it’s fine, darling.” The sooner we move past this the better. “I’m going to take a shower.”

\---

When I’m out, Percy is gone. I figured he would have stayed for breakfast, but I apparently not. He probably needed to go back home and let Kaiya out.

I stumble downstairs and see Felicity, a book in front of her at the table while she shovels oatmeal into her mouth. Her brown hair is tied back in a messy knot and her glasses sit on the edge of her nose.

“Summer reading, Feli?”

Felicity looks up at me, eyes flicking to my neck and then back to my face. She’s smirking. “You’ve got something there, you know.”

I scratch at my neck. I hadn’t realized Percy had left hickeys on me. “Is it bad?”

Felicity shakes her head. “Just one,” she says. “I know I’ll regret asking, but how did you find someone to shag at a _ family _wedding?”

“I have my ways,” I reply, grinning at her.

She sighs. “Forget I asked.”

“Where’s Father?” I ask, pulling down a mug for coffee.

“Asleep,” Felicity answers. “You better hide that mark before he wakes up.”

I shrug.

Felicity eyes me for a moment before looking down at her book again. 

A door shuts upstairs and Felicity looks up at me again.

“And that,” I sigh, “is my cue to leave.”

She waves as I run out the front door, almost forgetting my car keys. Somehow, like the dumbfuck I am, I find myself driving to Percy’s. 

He answers the door within seconds of my knocking. 

“Down, Kaiya! It’s just Monty,” he says, struggling to let me in. 

“You have to accept that she loves me more than you,” I say, dropping to the floor to pet Kaiya—Percy’s service dog. She’s a huge Saint Bernard who loses her mind when I’m around (though who can blame her).

“Never,” Percy says with as much conviction as possible for him. 

I sigh, laying my head on Kaiya’s. “Very well, live in denial. Me and Kaiya will enjoy ourselves.”

Percy rolls his eyes. “Did you just come over to steal my dog?”

“No,” I admit, standing. “I came over because I don’t feel like dealing with my family, stealing your dog is just a perk.”

I see his eyes flicker to the marks on my neck and back up to my face. “And because you don’t want to tolerate your family, you crash my flat?”

“Shouldn’t you be used to this by now, darling?” I sit heavily on his sofa. Kaiya hops up next to me, setting her head in my lap.

Percy huffs and nudges me so I’ll make room for him, causing Kaiya to move too. He’s in a t-shirt so I can see that he’s much more marked up than I am. I can’t take my eyes off them when he sits next to me. Percy must notice because he blushes, tugging at his neckline.

“I could help you get rid of those, you know,” I say without thinking. I really don’t want to, for some reason, but I know from experience that it’s not fun to walk around covered in hickeys.

Percy stares at me. “What?” he asks and it sounds like he chokes on the word.

“The hickeys,” I clarify. “You can’t get rid of them entirely, but you’re covered and some of them are pretty dark.”

“Not exactly my fault,” Percy says, so quiet that I almost don’t hear him.

I don’t know how to respond to that without pointing out that _ he _ kissed _ me _. I just get up and go to his kitchenette.

“What are you doing?” he asks.

“I need a cold spoon.”

Percy doesn’t answer, probably not sure how to.

I grab a spoon from a drawer, putting it in the freezer. “Well, it’ll have to sit there for a bit.”

“Wanna watch telly or something in the meantime?” he asks. He still seems a bit put out and I can’t help but wonder if he’s ever had to hide hickeys.

I actually can’t think of Percy mentioning hooking up with anyone at all, so I doubt it.

I take my place on the couch. “What do you want to watch? The usual?”

“The usual being _ Shameless _?” he asks. 

“Of course.”

He turns on the telly and flips through Netflix until he finds what he’s looking for. Percy leans back and I lay my head on his shoulder. I grab a blanket from the side of the couch and drape it over our laps. Percy gives me a small smile and puts his arm around my shoulder. It’s disgustingly domestic. Sometimes it’s almost like Percy and I are more than friends and the thought always makes me laugh. It would be a terrible idea, us as a couple. But that doesn’t stop me from thinking about it. 

“Mickey’s still lying to himself apparently,” Percy says, a little way into the episode. “He’s gay as hell, why the fuck is he getting married to a woman?”

“Did you ignore the entire plotline of season three?” I ask. “Plus, Ian will be there momentarily.” 

I’m right, and mere minutes later Ian’s back and the two are snogging in some hidden room at Mickey’s fucking wedding. I don’t dare look at Percy, but we’re still pressed together under the blanket. 

Percy clears his throat, shifting. I look up at him, which is a bad idea. Because I’m eye level with his hickeys and I can’t stop thinking about last night. Mostly, I can’t stop thinking about how much I liked _ giving _him those hickeys.

“Well,” I start, and I’m about to say something about checking on the spoon before freeing myself. But Percy looks down at me, and I don’t know why I do it, but I kiss him. And he kisses me back. He pushes the blanket off of us and then he’s on my lap, kissing me like his life depends on it.

Kaiya hops off and Percy takes the opportunity to push me back onto the couch. (I’ve noticed he likes to press me into things.) He stops kissing to pull my shirt over my head and toss it on the floor before returning to snogging me senseless. 

“You,” I say against his lips, “are wearing far too much clothing.”

Percy sighs, but not in a dreamy, _ oh please rip my clothes off for me, Monty _type way. He sighs like it hurts to do so, then sits back. It’s like speaking broke some sort of spell over him. “Monty,” he says, and he sounds worn down. “What the fuck are we doing?”

“Do I really need to explain snogging to you?” I tease.

Perce isn’t in the mood for teasing. “You know what I mean.”

I sigh, too, and sit back. I wish I’d kept my shirt on for this. “What else would we be doing?”

“Is this a thing we do now?”

“What’s _ this? _ Snogging? If I remember correctly, we made it past snogging last time and _ you _started it.” I point out. I probably shouldn’t snap at Percy when I still want him to take off the rest of my clothes but if he looks so put out at the idea, maybe I don’t.

“Yes, I know,” Percy replies. “I mean are we going to do that again?”

“I’m kissing you, aren’t I?”

“God, you can be so thick sometimes,” Percy mutters. I would’ve argued but he’s right. “I mean is this going to be a regular thing?”

“What? Like friends with benefits?”

He laughs a little. “I guess so, yeah, like that.”

I shrug. “I’m not complaining.” _ In fact, I’d beg you to shag me right now _, I think, but don’t say it. I still have an ounce of self-preservation.

“Monty, you’d fuck anything that breathes.”

“What about that sofa?”

Percy makes a face of sheer horror. “We don’t talk about that sofa.”

“I didn’t think you’d be jealous of a sofa, Perce.”

“I’m not jealous of the sofa. I’m getting more chances than the sofa did.”

I start to toy with the hem of his shirt. “You think so?”

“If you’re still not complaining,” Percy says, then pulls me into his lap.

\---

Percy and I find ourselves in each others’ beds on numerous occasions afterwards.

And it’s _ good. _Surprisingly, sleeping with Percy is pretty much the exact opposite of what you’d expect. But in my experience, that’s how it usually goes. He’s rough, definitely, but that can disappear in two seconds. And it’s odd because Percy can be almost sweet to me. It didn’t take long for him to work out what I liked and use it “against” me. I worry I’m totally ruined because all I ever want is to have Percy touching me.

But Percy and I set rules. We both know this is strictly a hookup situation, nothing more. We’re still friends first and foremost, and our hookups and our friendship are two separate things. If one of us (most likely Percy) finds a significant other, this ends automatically with no hurt feelings. We both have the right to end the hookups with no questions asked.

“That seems like an awfully ominous request to make,” I tease.

“Well, I don’t want either of us to get stuck in a shitty position if any of this gets complicated,” he explains like it’s the simplest thing in the world. 

“How could it?” I ask. I’ve had plenty of recurring hookups. If anything, Percy being my friend makes things easier.

Percy just shrugs. “Better safe than sorry.”

Percy makes me promise to always tell him if something is okay or not. To which I reply, “Just take the general rule that I’m okay with anything.” 

Percy gives me a stern look and still makes me promise.

\---

After it’s been going for a little more than a month, Percy comes back to my house. My parents had left town for some professional reason I couldn’t remember, which soothed Percy’s anxieties enough for me to convince him to stay the night. But I didn’t consider Felicity being here.

I find Felicity sitting at the kitchen table wearing an incredibly smug look. She beckons for me to sit down and I immediately rack my brain for any excuse for my current state of being: an absolute wreck in a shirt that is obviously too big to be mine and with my neck covered in hickeys. In hindsight, this situation was entirely my fault that we weren’t more careful. But it was easy to forget that she would be home when faced with an opportunity to be with Percy.

“I guess this explains why you’ve been disappearing so much,” Felicity says with no prerequisite.

“What?” I ask, faking ignorance.

“You and Percy hooking up wasn’t exactly what I expected from him, but I’m not surprised by you.”

“Felicity, I don’t know what you’re getting at,” I lie. While Percy and I didn’t explicitly agree to keep this between us, I assumed it was an unspoken part of this whole arrangement. Typically, I don’t care if Felicity knows I’m screwing around, but Percy probably wouldn’t want Felicity knowing.

“Please,” Felicity scoffs, “I always knew there was _ something _between you two. I just figured it would’ve been more angsty teenage romcom than angsty adult friends-with-benefits fanfiction.”

I roll my eyes. “Whatever is going on with me and Percy is none of your—”

“So there _ is _something between you and Percy?” Felicity cuts me off, looking more pleased with herself than she deserves to be.

“_ Second of all _, why are you concerned about your older brother’s sex life in the first place?”

“Because I actually care for Percy and this seems like a terrible idea on both of your parts,” she replies simply.

I stand up. “There is no way I am continuing this conversation without coffee.” I go to make a mug for myself, mostly because I have no idea how to respond to Felicity’s comment. We coexist in silence for a moment.

“Henry Montague, you can’t make a habit out of stealing my clothes.” Percy’s voice cuts through a tense silence. I freeze and Felicity looks like she’s holding back a laugh.

Percy emerges from the hallway. The only thing that makes this whole scenario worse is that he is shirtless (apparently on account of me wearing his shirt) and putting most of the hickeys I’d gifted him with on full display. Felicity chokes on her own coffee, covering her eyes.

“Shit!” is Percy’s initial reaction as he darts back into the hallway.

I sigh, finishing my coffee preparation. “Have we learned our lesson, Felicity?” I don’t give her time to answer and find Percy in my bedroom. He’s sitting on the floor, his back against the bed, and looking right panicked.

I sit beside him on the carpet, bringing the mug to my lips and wishing it was full of vodka instead of coffee before speaking. “Well,” I say because what else is there to say?

Percy laughs halfheartedly. “Well,” he says.

“If it’s any consolation, Felicity worked it out on her own before you showed up.”

“Oh, so she was here all night then?”

“Honestly, I have no idea.”

Percy groans, his head falling back onto my bed.

“It’s Feli, she’s not going to tell anyone.”

“But she still _ knows _doesn’t she?” 

“And that bothers you?” I ask. 

“And that _ doesn’t _bother you?” he counters. 

“I’m the local whore, as my father likes to put it. Of course it doesn’t bother me,” I say dryly. “I’d prefer Felicity keep her opinions to herself of course, but if my little sister wants to concern herself with who’s topping me, that’s her own fault.”

Percy sighs. “You’re unbelievable.”

“Well, you seem to like it, darling,” I say, setting my chin on his shoulder without thinking. Percy tenses. I sit back up, wondering if that was a violation of the _ not _letting this turn into a fanfiction agreement. True, I’m wearing his shirt, but that’s only because it was the first available thing.

“I’m only saying I don’t want everyone to know we’re . . . whatever this is.”

“Unless you’ve got a secret wife, it’s not like it’s a huge deal. Not anyone’s business, true, but not a scandal.”

Percy makes a face like he wants to argue. Instead, he says, “It’s still rather embarrassing for your little sister to see me shirtless and dishevelled like this.”

“Never argued about that bit.” I shrug. “I’m just used to my family’s disappointment in me. Really, I’d be more surprised if Felicity _ weren’t _questioning my life choices.”

Percy doesn’t have an answer to that, just gives me an exasperated look. “I’d still like my shirt back.”

\---

That evening, after Percy’s gone back to his flat, Felicity corners me again.

“Monty,” she says, leaning into the living room doorway.

I make a point of sighing. “Do you really have to kinkshame me while I’m trying to watch shitty telly?”

“Monty,” Felicity says again, “I’m being serious.”

“And so am I.”

“So are you and Percy boyfriends?” Felicity asks.

“No,” I answer, so quickly she gives me a look. “Really, Feli, we’re not. We’re just friends.”

“Friends who shag then?”

I sigh. “Something like that.”

“Do you want to be boyfriends?” she asks because she has no tact. 

“No,” I answer simply, truthfully, that would be far too complicated. 

Felicity looks dubious again, but also like she pities me. “So why are you doing this?”

I turn to stare at Felicity; she’s perched on the arm of the sofa. “What are you asking me?”

“I’m asking why you’re screwing around with your best friend when you’ve clearly had no problem finding people to sleep with before. Aren’t you worried about ruining the only friendship you have?”

Of course I am, but I don’t need Felicity trying to be my therapist. “Why are you so worried about it?”

Felicity’s frowning at me, looking partially annoyed and partially disappointed. 

“If you’re going to psychoanalyze me, you could at least give me your diagnosis.”

“It’s not my place to tell you—”

“You’re right, it’s not,” I snap. I don’t know why I do. I’m just tired of Felicity hovering and worrying and scolding. For once I’ve made a decision that I don’t regret and I don’t need Felicity to tell me why I should. “I’m getting a drink,” I mutter, pushing myself up off the sofa.

“You really think that’s a good idea?” Felicity says not-so-quietly.

“I don’t need my little sister to tell me what to do,” I snap. “You’re not my fucking babysitter.”

Felicity doesn’t say anything after that; she just watches me stalk to the liquor cabinet and pour myself a generous helping of vodka. I consider texting Percy, asking him to get my mind off it, but Percy always knows when I’m bothered. He wouldn’t be pleased to know it’s because of Felicity having concerns about our _ arrangement _.

\---

No self-respecting nineteen year old would stay in his parents’ house so his father can knock him around some whenever he pleases.

I am, unfortunately, no self-respecting nineteen-year-old.

I know I can’t complain when all I have is a black eye, some bruised ribs, and a headache. I know Father certainly could have done worse. I know it could have been avoided. But I’m just so tired of being reminded of everything I’m doing wrong.

So I text Percy. Usually, I’d avoid Percy until the bruises fade and get foxed. But getting drunk wouldn’t help my case right now, and hooking up with Percy would make me feel a lot better; loved, wanted, rather than just numbed.

I tell Percy I’ll be there in twenty minutes, giving me time to cover the bruise around my eye. I consider covering the bruises on my sides but if I make it that far with Percy, he won’t care about some bruises.

When Percy opens the door, I don’t give him the chance to say anything. I don’t even stop to pet Kaiya. But Percy doesn’t stop me from kissing him with probably more force than is necessary. He just stumbles back, shuts the door with his foot, and picks me up by my thighs. After nearly three months of this, there isn’t much need for conversation anymore.

Percy carries me to his bedroom, setting me on his bed while I make work of the buttons on his shirt. He brings his hands to my hips and I do well not to flinch when they graze my sides. I push his shirt off his shoulders, barely giving Percy time to breathe before I kiss him again.

“Monty,” Percy gasps, pushing me back a little. I want to grab him and kiss him again, to make him focus on only this. I don’t want him to think about anything else so that I don’t have to.

“What?” I say, sounding just as breathless as he does.

Percy laughs a little. “Calm down. I’m not going anywhere.” He runs his hands up my sides and I guess I’m not holding up as well as I wanted to, because I flinch. Percy frowns. “Are you okay?”

“Yes, smashing, darling, just kiss me,” I demand, trying to pull Percy close again. I want him to stop worrying. I want him to pay attention to me and tell that he wants me too. I want him to shag me until I can forget about this for a night while he tells me how good I am for him.

Simple needs, really.

But Percy’s holding me at a distance by my shoulders and is _ still _frowning. Experimentally, he touches my side again, a bit firm. I grimace and it seems to tell Percy everything he needs to know. He sits back and I follow him, a hand still on his neck.

“Percy, come on,” I say, trying to press my lips to his neck because that usually can bend him to my will.

“No, Monty,” Percy pushes me off. “I can’t.”

And it’s for a moment there that I feel that familiar hopelessness—pretty much the opposite of what I should be feeling in bed with a shirtless Percy.

What am I supposed to do if Percy doesn’t even want me for this? I don’t know if I’m panicking or if it’s just my head throbbing from earlier. I don’t know why this stings so badly. I don’t know why I need Percy to tell me that I’m good for something. I don’t want to _ talk _about what happened today. We never do, Percy and I. It’s always long silences and trying smiles. I told him, once, when I was sixteen that I wanted to die and he took it about as well as anyone would when their best friend tells them as much. But we don’t talk about these things. Talking to Percy about my father or my feelings feels like taking a cleaver down my centre and showing him what’s inside of my ribs.

I don’t want Percy to ask. Some selfish part of me just wants him to _ know _ and hold me and tell me that it’ll be fine. But I know that’s more than I deserve. So I settle for Percy not knowing, not worrying, and assuring me that I’m not totally worthless when I’m good for him. Because if I don’t have Percy, what am I left with? An inheritance and an estate, maybe. But for what? An angry father and a life I don’t want? Growing old in haunted rooms with nobody I know or care for?

But then I have to remind myself that this is a life I made for myself. That if I left my father’s house and lost my only friend, I’d have nothing but a knack for drinking and various sexual experiences.

I must be right panicking because I feel out of breath again and it’s much less enjoyable.

“Monty,” Percy says again, and it’s the pity that puts salt into some perpetual wound.

“I’m sorry. I-I’ll go,” I say, so quiet I’m not sure I said it. I get up, ready to bolt for the door when Percy grabs my wrist.

“Monty, wait,” he says. I nearly yank myself out of his grip, Percy blending in with my father for a moment. And then I’m horrified with myself for thinking that. He lets go of me, though. I stop running. “Stay.”

I shake my head, not sure what to say.

“Monty, I just can’t take advantage of you like that. You’re hurt. You’re vulnerable. It’s not right for me to use you like that.” Percy explains.

_ I don’t care about what’s right _ , I think. _ I just want to feel good. _But maybe I’d be using Percy if I did that. So I stay silent.

“But you’re hurt and you’re my best friend,” Percy continues, his voice getting softer. “And I want you to stay here where you’re safe.”

I take a shaky breath, staring at Percy for what is probably too long.

Gently, Percy takes my hand and pulls me close again. I let him, gladly. For a minute I think he’s going to change his mind, but then he folds me in a hug that is so unexpected that I let out a tiny sob.

“I’m going to kill him one day,” Percy says.

I feel like I’ve been drained of all the energy in my body, so I don’t respond.

“Your father,” Percy clarifies. “I’m going to kill him for all the times he’s hurt you.”

_ It won’t do anything _, I think. “I’d like to see you try and hurt anyone,” I say instead.

“Are we forgetting the Richard Peele incident?”

I hum and I don’t know if Percy holds me tighter or if I’m imagining it. “I thought that was _ accidental _?”

“You know I’m better at pool than that,” Percy retorts. “Come on, I’ll make tea and we can watch _ Shameless _.”

\---

I wake up before Percy does the next morning, in his bed. At some point, I’d pulled myself closer to Percy and was clinging to his waist so I’m glad that I woke up before him. I wander to the bathroom, noticing that the makeup over my black eye is smudged. Even if Percy had makeup, none of it would look right on me. I resign myself to the fact that Percy is going to have to see the eye in question and work on cleaning off my face.

Percy wakes up when I’m almost done.

“Monty?” he calls from his room.

I sigh. “In the bathroom.”

Percy appears in the doorway behind me. He catches sight of me in the mirror and stops, frowning. I just hold his gaze, silent. It’s a silence we’ve shared many times, I’m just usually covering the bruise instead of uncovering it.

“Do you want coffee?” Percy asks quietly.

I nod. “I’ll be out in a minute.”

“Okay,” Percy says. He goes to the kitchen to make coffee while I finish washing off the makeup.

Things are a bit awkward at first. Percy won’t stop giving me the look I know too well to be his ‘worried about Monty’s injuries’ face. But I try not to seem like I’m sulking so he’ll stop worrying. So after we get past the awkwardness, Percy decides that I need my spirits lifted.

“I’m in my clothes from yesterday,” I say.

Percy waves a hand dismissively, throwing a shirt at me. “Wear mine.”

It’s odd, having Percy try to fix things when I’m like this again. I usually avoid him until it’s gone or at least old enough to not be worth mentioning. When I was twelve, Percy thought he’d help me by telling about my father. Father managed to get around whatever legal punishments would’ve awaited him and it only made me into more of a target for a few weeks. Father didn’t know Percy told, but I did, and I remember screaming at him for it.

My father turned into something of persona non grata between us.

But things are different now. There are the more obvious reasons, but Percy and I haven’t quite been the same as we used to be as friends either. It’s not _ bad _. It’s just different.

“This is too big for me.”

“Tie it.”

“Tying it makes it look stupid!” I say, “Not like you would know.”

He has the _ audacity _ to laugh at me. “I think it looks cute,” he says.

“Don’t laugh at me,” I mutter, but put the shirt on and tie it anyway.

He smiles. “Well hurry up and get ready cause we’re going to Northwich.”

“Northwich? What for?”

Percy shrugs. “You’re not busy today, are you?”

“No,” I say.

“Then I figured we could take a day away from Chester.”

“Oh.”

“Is that okay?” Percy turns to give me a sidelong glance.

“Yeah,” I say. “It sounds good actually.”

Percy smiles. “Well then, don’t just stand there.”

Ten minutes later, we’re in Percy’s car, Kaiya curled up in his back seat, his absolute trash music playing. I pointedly made a face when he turned it on.

“Got something to say, Montague?” Percy asks.

“Percy, I hate feeling _ more _depressed every time I get in your car.”

“This is Florence and the Machine, which is the best band on the planet.” Percy defends his terrible music taste. I scoff, to which Percy replies, “You have no room to talk. Listening to your music was a scarring experience.”

“I tried to enlighten you, Perce.”

“_ Nicki Minaj _ is _ not _enlightening in the least.”

“You’re just blind.”

“The fact that the words _ dick bigger than a tower _were even used in a song made me lose all hope for you and Nicki.”

“It’s not Nicki’s fault all of your music is emo hipster.”

“Excuse me?” he says incredulously, “I am _ not _emo, and you will not disgrace Florence like that ever again.”

“Florence doesn’t need _ my _help to be disgraced.”

Percy scoffs. “My car, my music. End of conversation.”

“Mad that I’m right?”

“That doesn’t even make sense because you are very, very wrong.”

“Whatever helps you sleep at night, darling.” I recline my seat, leaning back and putting a hand over my eyes—trying to ignore the ache in my side. “I’ll be sure to change it later.”

\---

Lifting my spirits apparently meant being dragged by Percy to do various couple-y activities. Not that I mind because it’s Percy.

After grabbing lunch, Percy and I, due to having no plans, end up wandering a department store.

“Do we actually plan to buy anything here?” I ask.

Percy shrugs. “We’ll see.”

We commence wandering, almost getting kicked out when Percy (tall, gangly Percy) bumps into a mannequin and knocks two more over in the process.

When in the party supplies section, I feel a poke at my back. I turn around and see Percy, wielding a tube of wrapping paper with a grin.

“Oh? Captain Two Tooth the Terrible requests a duel?” I say.

Percy lunges at me with the tube again. “Accept my challenge?”

I grab a tube to retaliate, but before I can the tube is grabbed from my hand by a grumpy looking manager.

“That’s quite enough of your shenanigans. You, your dog, and your friend can leave,” says the manager, his name tag reading _ Lockwood _.

Percy returns the tube, looking abashed.

I’m barely containing myself, and when we are escorted out of the store by Lockwood I burst into laughter. I double over and Kaiya licks my face while I wheeze.

“Who knew it would be _ you _to get us tossed out?” I say.

Percy huffs, “This is the last time I take you places.”

I laugh. “Don’t be that way, Perce. We can go to a discount boutique and try on extravagant clothes.”

So we do. We scour the racks, both of us looking for the most ridiculous things we can find. The only staff present, a college-age girl staring at a textbook and drinking from a flask, doesn’t mind it.

After we’ve both assembled our outfits of choice we go to the dressing rooms. The object is to gather the strangest outfit and then show them to each other. I’m quite confident in mine.

Of course, Percy has to one-up me.

I did have to change my shirt, the bruises on my side slipping from my mind momentarily. My original choice was a crop top covered in sequins and the baggiest floral pants I’ve ever seen, but I decided to ditch the crop top for a fluffy shirt with a neckline that almost reaches my navel and the pants for a pair of amazingly hideous skinny jeans embroidered with what appear to be hedgehogs. 

Percy, on the other hand, has taken my discarded crop top and an alarmingly pink pair of booty shorts to create one of the gayest outfits I have seen in my entire life. 

“That—” 

“Is one of the gayest things you’ve ever seen?” he finishes for me. 

“Yep.”

Percy grins. “This is just the beginning, babe.” With that, he goes back to his dressing room and calls, “Time for round two!”

It takes me a second to even move and a couple of seconds after that for my breath to come back. Something just changed. I have no idea what it was, but it was something. I wasn’t ready for that, for a shift. But Percy just called me _ that _and I don’t know what it means or how to handle it, so I go back to my dressing room.

In the room next to me I can hear Percy rustling around and I slip out from behind the curtain to browse the racks again. Then I see it, a black lacy top that would barely fall to my belly button. It barely covers my bruises, but for some reason, I’m alright with it. It won’t be a problem right now anyway.

I salvage the pair of floral pants from before and complete the outfit with a belt that looks like it came straight from a sex dungeon. Not like I would know of course. 

“You ready yet, Perce?” I call.

“Ready as I’ll ever be,” he responds. “The real question is: are you?”

I roll my eyes and he pulls the curtain back. He’s standing there, looking smugger than I’ve ever seen him. 

“I . . . have no words.” He’s wearing what can only be described as a corset under a jacket that I thought only fake pirates in movies wore, flowy black pants, and a pair of boots with a _ serious _ heel. 

“I could say the same for you,” Percy says, laughing a little as he tugs at the belt. He pulls me close, then wraps his arms around my hips. “I have to say, I sorta like the shirt on you though.”

“I could _ not _say the same for you. Corsets don’t suit you.” I slide my arms up around Percy’s neck.

“I think I look _ dashing, _” Percy teases. He’s slowly starting to push me back into my dressing room; I let him.

I just shake my head at him, smiling. He’s got me backed against a wall now. I try to remember the last time I’ve been so content. I’m always happier around Percy, but very rarely, actually _ happy. _Especially after a day like yesterday.

We’re in my dressing room and Percy pulls the curtain closed, then kisses me. It’s different from our usual kisses: less rushed and more languid. Sweet, almost.

I dismiss that thought and focus on Percy’s lips on mine. He lifts me by my thighs and I hook my legs around his waist. It doesn’t move past that, though. He just kisses me, and for some reason, I don’t feel the need to push him any farther than snogging. It’s good, but it also makes me nervous. On a normal day, most of our clothes would be on the floor at this point. Apparently, this is seriously not a normal day. Before I can think about it anymore, the curtain is pulled back. 

“Yo, I wouldn’t make you leave if I didn’t have to,” says the cashier from earlier, “but we’re closing soon and you haven’t bought anything. Plus I have a date with my girlfriend after this and frankly, I don’t want to make her wait while I clean up your mess.” 

I detach myself from Percy and try to make myself look as presentable as I possibly can before turning to her. She seems surprised at the sight of me, and I remember that I’ve got a huge bruise on my face, and probably look ridiculous in the clothes I’m wearing.

“Sorry,” I say, “we’ll be out of here as soon as we can.”

“Thanks,” she says with a smile. “You guys are a cute couple by the way.”

“We’re not—” I start, but she’s already walking away. I don’t even dare look at Percy after that. 

“I’m buying this,” he breaks the silence. 

“You’re _ what _?” 

“Buying this!” he grins and spins around. The jacket whirls and that only makes it worse.

“You’re actually buying that trainwreck of an ensemble?” I gasp in horror.

“Excuse me, but this is not a _ trainwreck _ ; it is _ art _.” 

“That’s incredibly debatable.” I roll my eyes at him. 

“Plus, we owe it to the longsuffering cashier,” he points out. “Maybe you should buy that shirt, it looks pretty cute on you.”

“Get out of my dressing room,” I say, but I decide to buy the shirt. For him. 

“As you wish,” he says with another grin and another twirl. I push him out and he just laughs. 

I quickly change back into my regular clothes. I take the lacy monstrosity up to the counter, then take out my wallet. 

“You and your boyfriend were the highlight of my day, by the way,” the cashier says. 

I’m not exactly sure what to say to that, so I just mumble a thank you. Easier than explaining that Percy is my best friend/favourite hookup.

I take the shirt and wait for Percy, who comes back with an armful of clothes and Kaiya at his heels. He buys the entire damn outfit, making sure I see the corset.

“I despise you,” I say.

“Hm, you love me,” Percy responds, causing the cashier to smile.

I don’t know what to say, so I say nothing. 

\---

I wait in Percy’s car, Kaiya in the backseat. Percy disappeared into the Marks and Spencer about ten minutes ago. He told me to wait for him to come back, he was going to surprise me.

While I wait, I get a text.

**Little Annoyance: **Where the hell are you?

**You: **i’m not sure if i should tell you

**You: **plausible deniability and all of that

**Little Annoyance: **Henry Montague I swear to god I will rip off your ear and stitch it back on backwards.

**You: **you’re awfully aggressive, feli

**Little Annoyance: **WHERE ARE YOU?

**You: **is father asking?

**Little Annoyance: **No, just me

**You: **well, if it will cure your curiosity

**You: **i’m in northwich

**Little Annoyance: **What? Why?

**You: **i went to percy’s last night and spent the night

**You: **he decided we needed to romp around a bit

**Little Annoyance: **Oh okay

**Little Annoyance: **Have fun I guess?

**You: **will do

Percy comes back with bags full of stuff. He dumps them into his trunk.

“What did you get?” I ask.

“You’ll find out,” he replies. He gets into the driver’s seat and drives us to some park. There aren’t many people because it’s just past sunset. There are just a few mothers pulling their kids away.

“Stay right here,” Percy tells me. He gets out and goes to his trunk. I listen to him shuffle about and pet Kaiya. After a few minutes, he comes back around to the side of the car, large tote bag in hand, to let out Kaiya. “Come on.”

I get out. “What exactly are we here for?”

“Picnic,” Percy answers simply.

“Pardon?”

“A picnic. Why not?”

I don’t have an argument, so I just follow Percy. He finds an isolated grass clearing and pulls a blanket from the bag to spread on the ground.

“Did you plan this or something?” I ask.

“No,” Percy says. “I thought of it right before we left that shop.” 

“Oh, alright,” is all I say.

Percy dumps the rest of the bag—snacks, sandwich materials, and waters—onto the blanket, then sits. He pats the spot next to him and I sit slowly. Percy opens a package of paper plates and starts making sandwiches on them. I lay back on the blanket and look up at the sky. And for the second time today, I feel truly happy. Normally, I would be uneasy for things to be so calm, but Percy nudges me to sit up and kisses me, short and sweet, while handing me a plate. The gesture gives me a funny feeling in my chest that I can’t even bother with because things are so nice right now.

“Did you have a good time today?” Percy asks me. 

I almost roll my eyes at his question because I obviously had a great time, but then I realize that he probably wants me to actually verbalize it. “I did, darling, thank you.”

He smiles and intertwines our fingers on the blanket in between us. “I’m glad.”

\---

By the time it’s well dark, we’re loading the things back into Percy’s car.

Percy lets Kaiya hop into the backseat and we get in.

“Do you want me to take you home?” he asks.

I hesitate. _ No, _ I want to say, _ absolutely not _. But Percy has harboured me for a while. He must surely be ready to drop me back with my family.

“You can stay at my flat again,” he says softly, “if you want to.” When I don’t answer, he adds, “I want you to.”

“Yes,” I find myself saying. “Let’s go back to yours. They won’t mind that I’m gone.”

**listen to the playlist!** <https://open.spotify.com/playlist/5io2KvDciLt0L1FTOIfEsj?si=poCVW0HwTf2nNw8ThEOgXA>


	2. Part II

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oops there's gonna be a third part  
I didn't want to make y'all wait a whole month for more content because school is starting up, so here's a part two out of (hopefully only) three  
this one's a bit shorter but I wanted to end on a resonant note and again, not make y'all wait forever  
Child abuse mention is a bit more prominent in this part!!!  
Follow our writing tumblr: iphys-ianthe-writes!

**Part II**

I wake in Percy’s bed again, Percy already awake this time—just still in bed, curled up at my back. After the picnic last night, we came back to his flat and watched  _ Shameless  _ for a while. We showered, ended up in his bed, snogged for a while, then fell asleep. (I’m wearing more of his clothes.)

If I could stay here forever, in Percy’s bed, I probably would. It’s soft and cozy and often comes with my best friend himself.

_ Best friend _ , I tell myself,  _ that’s all he is, no matter how much it feels otherwise. _

Still, I turn in bed to get closer to Percy, leeching more of his body heat. Percy hums but doesn’t object. A few minutes after, though, I hear my phone vibrate on the bedside table. I roll over again to reach for it and see that it’s my father calling. I groan.

Percy sits up and looks over my shoulder. “Going to answer that?” he asks.

“Not yet,” I say.

“Monty,” Percy says with a slight warning.

I silence the call, but don’t decline it. “He can think I’m still asleep for now. I’ll deal with him later.” I turn the phone face-down and put it back on the table. I know Father can’t be pleased that I’ve been gone for two nights, but he’ll be angry all the same, whether I come home now or in a few hours. I decide to give myself a pleasant morning at the least, before going back into the fray.

I turn to face Percy again, sliding an arm up around his neck. “Can’t I stay a bit longer?” I ask, teasing kisses across his jaw.

Percy sighs like he both wants to argue and cave in. “Monty, your father—”

“Can wait a few more hours,” I finish. I suck softly at his jawline. “Come on, Perce, just a bit longer?”

I know Percy is done for when he slips an arm around my waist, pulling me closer. There’s a dull ache there from him pressing against my bruises, but I ignore it.

“Are you sure?” Percy says. “He’s going to be angry.”

“He’ll be angry anyway. Just give me this, Perce. A kiss for good luck.” I look up at Percy, giving him a face that I’ve been told is impossible to resist.

Percy hesitates, worrying his lip with his teeth.

I lean up and he lets me take his lip between mine. I loop my arms around his neck and pull him down over me as I lay back. I press my lips to his jaw again, sucking on the right spot that always gets him to say my name like  _ that _ .

It doesn’t take long for Percy to take control, taking off his shirt followed by my own. But then he stops.

I see his gaze get caught on my bruises. They’re already healing, but there’s more than a few. I wonder what it’s like for him to see them, someone who’s not used to the sight.

“Hey,” I say, lifting his chin to meet my eyes. I want to shy away from him, cover my sides. But he’s seen and it’s too late to hide them. I feel exposed. But we’re already this far and I’ll be damned if my father takes this from me too. “Focus on me.”

Percy has wide eyes for a second. “Monty,” he says. It’s like he’s about to bolt.

_ “Percy,”  _ I say, pleading.

“I don’t–” Percy sighs. “I don’t want to hurt you. You’re—”

“I’m fine, darling. It doesn’t even hurt.” I cup his cheek in my hand and kiss him, shortly. “Just focus on me.”

\---

After, I’m stealing more of Percy’s clothes. I just showered and now Percy is while I get dressed to go home.

I’d managed to refocus Percy after the bruises. He seemed shaken up about it for a few minutes but I was able to take his attention away from them. That was followed by what I want to say was the best sex we’ve ever had.

I won’t say that, though. I’ll just appreciate the bruises Percy left—the good kind. Even though the bad kind wait for me at home.

I really don’t want to go home.

“Perce, I’m leaving! And I’m wearing your clothes!” I call.

“I want those back!” Percy replies from the shower.

“In your dreams!” I give Kaiya scratches before leaving the flat.

I get in my car. I sit in silence for a moment. It’s weird to be going back. Two nights at Percy’s, and I was almost able to forget there was a world outside of ours. It felt like our summer trip last year when we would run off from our chaperones and do what we wanted. I wish I could stay in this world of ours.

But my father waits for me, like a cat waiting outside a hole in the wall.

For a brief second, I consider not going back at all, living out of Percy’s room. Or just not going back and leaving.

But I know I’m overreacting to what will most certainly not be the worst punishment I’ve endured. Father isn’t furious, only frustrated. I’ll get out of this mostly unscathed.

Yet I’m more restless about returning than I usually am.

Regardless, I drive back to my parents’ house. I walk in, and am met with a slap (thankfully not on the side of my face with the bruises). “Where have you been, Henry?”

I take a moment to regain my focus. “Percy’s,” I say, touching my stinging cheek.

“For two damn days?”

It had technically only been one day, but I know that arguing won’t help.

“Yes, sir,” I say instead.

He sighs and deflates like he’s suddenly tired. “Go, Henry. I expect nothing less from you. But don’t let this happen again.” He waves me off and I trudge upstairs to my bedroom. My father’s emotions are often volatile, you’re never quite sure what he’s going to do (although you typically can make a good guess).

I know I should be doing  _ something _ , but instead I just flop back onto my bed. I lay there and stare at the ceiling and my brain just sort of clocks out. My thoughts are quiet, like I’m about to fall asleep. I feel tired. But I just lay there for a while.

I’m not sure how long I lay there. But my phone vibrates in my pocket and I jump. I pull it out.

**Perce: ** Make it home alright?

I know what he’s really asking, or trying to ask.

**You: ** yeah, i’m good

**Perce: ** Good

**Perce: ** Text me if you need anything

I answer, because he thought to ask. Because he didn’t storm me with questions. Because he just wants to know that I’m okay.

Percy has always been my best friend. We’ve been each others partner in crime for as long as I can remember. But Percy has always either avoided this topic or panicked about it (not that I blame him). It’s just nice for him to  _ check _ , and nothing else.

I miss him. But differently. I miss being curled up in his bed, in his arms.

I love him.

It’s a strange thought that catches me off guard. But it’s not surprising. It makes sense. It untangles all these mixed feelings in my chest and lays them out in simple, terrifying terms.

I feel my brain disconnect from the rest of me, unexplainable panic seizing me anyway. Hooking up with Percy was one thing, an easy thing. This is something else. My mind is quick to supply all the worst, most vicious thoughts.

_ You think he would want you back? _

_ You’re too messed up for him. _

_ Are you even capable of a relationship? _

Followed by slightly more logical thoughts.

_ Do you even want that with Percy? _

_ Why make things more complicated? _

_ Shouldn’t you find a nice rich girl and settle? _

I laugh at that one, wondering who would be willing to settle with me. Perhaps a nice lesbian in the same boat as I am, willng to wed to appease our families and have our own vacation homes for our lovers.

Because, God, it’s always going to be Percy. It’s always been Percy.

I laugh again, maybe a bit hysterically.

I need a drink.

I need a few drinks.

But before I can go and retrieve the drinks in question, there’s a knock at my door. I freeze, and wait.

Moments later, Felicity pokes her head inside. “Monty?” she says.

I wave her in.

Felicity walks in, shutting the door quietly behind her. She comes to sit at the end of my bed, looking down at me. “Your cheek is red,” is the first thing she says.

I just nod.

For a while, my father’s punishments were the family’s best kept secret from Felicity. I’ll never really know why, or why Father only hit me. I don’t think he should have hit Felicity; I’ll just never understand why it’s  _ only  _ me.

Regardless, the secret was out when I returned home from Eton three years ago. Father had beat me to hell and back, but nobody knew what I had done to get kicked out. It was drinking. I had a fling with an older boy—Sinjon—who kept alcohol around and I got a bit attached; to the boy and the alcohol.

When my room was searched for contraband, the liquor and a few rather scandalous items regarding my relationship with Sinjon were found. All presented before my father at the event of my expulsion.

He had a field day with all of that. I could barely move for a week.

I was beaten bloody but nobody dared ask why. Except for Felicity.

_ “So who’d you piss off?” She’d asked, without warning, a few days after I’d returned home. _

_ “What?” I was on the floor of the living room, pitying myself.  _

_ “Who’d you piss off that  _ badly _ ?” She asked. _

_ “I have no idea what you’re talking about, Felicity.” I answered plainly. I could barely think around the ache in my head. _

_ Felicity gave me a strange look. “Did you get hit that hard?” _

_ I returned the look. “What  _ are _ you on about?” _

_ “What’d you do to get that beat up? You don’t strike me as the fighting type, Monty.” _

_ “What? Nobody beat me up.” _

_ “That’s why they kicked you out, isn’t it? Who’d you fight?” _

_ “No one, Feli,” I sighed. I went to stand and almost went back down with a wince. There was no way to make a speedy escape. I sighed and leaned my head back against a sofa. _

_ “You’re lying,” Felicity said. _

_ I laughed weakly. “Why would I be lying to you?” _

_ “You’re ashamed of getting your ass beat?” _

_ I snorted (which hurt). “That’s not very ladylike language, Felicity.” _

_ “Just tell me who beat you up!” Felicity was getting exasperated. My sister was nothing if not stubborn as all hell. _

_ “No boy at Eton beat me up,” I said, too tired to deal with that conversation. I just wanted to be left alone to rot on the living room floor. _

_ “Who did then?” Felicity demanded. _

_ I just shook my head and laid on the floor, somewhat in the fetal position.  _

_ “Monty!” She sighed, kicking me in the side. It wasn’t hard, but I was harboring possibly-broken ribs, and that kick felt like being stabbed. _

_ I cried out, clapping a hand over my mouth. Once I regained my bearings, I sat up. “Jesus Christ, Felicity!” _

_ Felicity looked stunned, like she didn’t expect that to hurt. _

_ “If you’re so keen on knowing, it was Father. Does that satisfy your fucking curiosity?” I snapped. With that, I got up and limped out of the room. Felicity didn’t follow. _

After that incident, I avoided Felicity for about a week. But I managed to get tipsy in my room with some spirits my parents had left unattended and Felicity found me there. We talked for a long while and came to some mutual understanding. It was a strange conversation to have. But as much as Felicity wanted to burn the house to the ground and call the cops on our father, I convinced her not to.

“Monty?” Felicity says again, reminding me that she’s here. I hug my arms, grounding myself.

“Yeah?” I say quietly.

Felicity waves a hand in front of my face, forcing me to look up at her. “Where are you right now?” she asks.

I shrug.

“He was mad about you staying out?”

I nod.

She’s quiet for a few minutes. “How was it with Percy?”

“Good,” I say.

More silence.

“Are you . . . alright?” Felicity asks. She practically cringes as she says it.

“Is that why you’re here? To do your usual upkeep on my emotions, Felicity?”

Felicity grimaces.

“Fuck’s sake,” I sigh. “You can’t try to monitor my emotions when you’re not even good with your own.”

“I’m  _ trying _ , Monty.” Felicity scoffs, standing up.

“I didn’t  _ ask  _ you to try, you know. I don’t need you to be my life coach. You can quit treating me like I’m some wounded animal.”

Felicity doesn’t have the answer to that. I can see her processing my answer.

“You know, you didn’t care so much until you knew about what Father was doing to me,” I say. It’s quiet and I say it without any weight. But it hits.

Felicity laughs, almost incredulously. “What else was I supposed to do? How am I supposed to react, Henry? I watched my brother fall apart. And one of us needs to act like an adult.”

“I didn’t  _ fall apart _ . I don’t know why you’re so worried, Felicity. I don’t  _ need  _ you to be worried. So just stop, alright?”

The look Felicity gives me is one I can only describe as weariness and anger combined. “Alright. If you want that. But don’t come to me when you need help because you won’t take it when I try to offer.” With that, she walks out.

\---

I wake up around noon the next day, only slightly hungover. There’s a knock at my door.

I groan. “Come back in an hour,” I call, because my father doesn’t knock.

The door opens and I expect a disappointed mother.

“You know it’s already twelve-thirty, right?”

I sit up to see Percy standing in my doorway, an amused smile on his face. My heart skips a beat, as I wasn’t prepared to face Percy so soon after my  _ revelation _ . “What are you doing here?”

“You aren’t happy to see me?” Percy teases, shutting the door behind him and coming to sit on my bed.

“I’m always happy to see you.”

“Good,” he laughs a little. “You’re still wearing my shirt.”

“You’re not getting it back.”

“That’s sort of why I’m here.”

“Then you can leave. I’m not giving your clothes back.”

“Come on, Monty,” Percy begs, laying his head on my shoulder. “You have like half of my wardrobe at this point.”

“If that’s half your wardrobe, I’m concerned for you.”

“Okay, I may be exaggerating a bit.”

“Hm, thought so.”

Percy doesn’t reply, just slips his arm around my waist and his fingers flirt with the hem of his stolen tee-shirt. “Are you sure you won’t change your mind?” He asks, starting to press kisses to my neck.

“I might consider it,” I reply, leaning my head back for him.

I feel Percy smile against my skin. He kisses up to my jaw and slides his hand up under the shirt.

The next thing I know, I’m being pushed onto my back. The shirt has been removed, but I don’t care. I don’t care that we’re being reckless in the middle of the day with the possibility of my family being home.

It’s lazy, just the two of us tangled up in each other. Percy’s kissing me until I can’t breathe while I work at the buttons of his shirt (damn him and his buttoned shirts). I suppose the both of us get caught up in our own world for a while. Neither of us hear a knock on the door, or notice the door opening.

But we both still when we hear my mother’s shocked “Oh my,” and the door shutting quickly.

For three beats of my heart too loudly in my ears, we’re silent, frozen. Then Percy practically jumps off me, pacing and looking like he’s about to pass out.

“Holy shit,” he says.

I sit up. “Percy.”

_ “Holy shit _ .”

_ “Percy!”  _ I grab his wrist, stopping him in front of me. “Calm down.”

“Calm down? Really, Monty? Do you know how  _ bad  _ this could be?”

“No, I don’t. Explain it to me. What’s so terrible about it?” I say dryly.

“You want everyone to know?”

“What does it matter? It’s not like it’s illegal. Who’s really going to care?”

“Our families? God, Monty, your father!”

So that was it. Once again, I was just my father’s poor little dog he likes to kick around. As always, everyone is worried about what my father will do to me.

And I’m so fucking tired of it. I’m tired of my father being the center of my life. I’m tired of his shadow looming over all of the bright spots in my life, as few as there are. And for so long, I was able to keep his shadow from completely covering my spot that was Percy. But now here’s Percy, so fucking  _ afraid  _ for me. I’m sick of it.

“Don’t bring him into this!” I snap. “My father has nothing to do with this, Percy. And you can’t hide behind that just because you’re a fucking closet case!”

I regret it as soon as the words leave my mouth. I can see the effect they have on Percy immediately.

“Wow, okay,” Percy says quietly. “You went there.”

“Percy, I—” I start.

“No, don’t.” Percy holds up a hand. “Don’t take it back. You obviously meant it.”

I don’t know what to say. I didn’t actually mean it, or at least I don’t think I did. But I can’t tell Percy any of this because he grabs the first shirt he can reach (the stolen shirt that started this whole mess) and leaves. He doesn’t even slam the door.


	3. Part III/Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> At last, it is finished! This fic has been such a ride to write. It honestly turned out a lot differently from how it was originally envisioned (which was a lot angstier) and there are definitely things I would still change but I'm happy with how it turned out! Alix and I are very glad that y'all have enjoyed this story with us and we want to thank y'all for all the love and support throughout the process, even as we grew busier. Stick around! (And to keep up with our doings: follow our writing tumblr:iphys-ianthe-writes!

**Part III**

I drag myself into a bar and perch on a barstool. I know this is a stupid idea, but I order a gin and tonic to drown my sorrows in. Even when there’s no one in your life willing to tolerate you, there’s always more than enough alcohol. The bartender, a man who can only be in his late 20s at the most, is more than happy to supply after a few dimpled smiles.

I’m hit with the realization of how long it’s been since I’ve done something like this. Lately, I’ve either been at school, with Percy, or wasting away in my parent’s house. I’m not sure how to feel about it.

I decide to rinse those thoughts out with my fifth drink. Or at least I think it’s my fifth; I’ve lost count at this point. 

“Monty Montague?” a voice says, and a figure sits down next to me. 

I turn to see Jeanne Le Brey, a girl who I met during a party at Eton. We had a brief affair at one point. If you can call drunkenly hooking up at various parties and texting an  _ affair _ . We did develop some sort of friendship too, but after Sinjon and my expulsion, we stopped talking as often. 

I smile. “Jeanne, fancy seeing you here.”

“You never outgrew this either?” She asks.

“I don’t think anyone does,” I say, finishing my drink and waving for another.

“Fair point.” Jeanne waves for a drink as well. “So what’ve you been up to these days?”

“Nothing important,” I say.

“Started getting into fights?” Jeanne asks, not necessarily accusing, and gestures at my face.

“Oh no,” I say, grinning as I take my new drink. “It was an act of chivalry.”

Jeanne laughs, as light as I remember. “You’ll have to tell me the tale someday.”

“Someday.” I agree quietly. 

I switch from gin and tonics to beer—which is disgusting in my opinion—to vodka. 

Jeanne watches me over the edge of her own glass which is refilled far less frequently. After my third shot of vodka, she seems to make a decision.

“Do you want to dance? For old times sake?” She offers with a smile.

“Hell yeah.” We stand and I ignore the fact that I’m at Jeanne’s chin.

She spins me around a few times and I’m giggling like a maniac. She seems far less amused; the look on her face is more concerned actually. It annoys me for some reason. This night, this dance was all supposed to take my mind off of the shit that I’m avoiding. All the people I’m avoiding really. And my limited experiences with Jeanne have always been your ideal party hookups.

So I do something really fucking stupid. I kiss her. Maybe because I actually want to, maybe because she seemed sad, or maybe because I want to forget how good kissing Percy felt as soon as possible. 

She does kiss back, and it’s only for a few moments. And it’s  _ fine.  _ I didn’t expect fireworks or butterflies in my stomach, but kissing Jeanne just feels bland. It feels as if after kissing Percy, doing way more than kissing him, everyone else has dimmed in comparison.

I don’t suffer for very long, though. Jeanne pushes me back, gently. She smiles but it’s pitying. “Monty,” she says. “You’re drunk. Like, _way _too drunk.”

I shake my head. “I’m fine. I can drink more.”

“I know you  _ can.  _ The thing is that you  _ shouldn’t. _ Do you need a ride home?”

I consider the offer for a second. There really isn’t any point in staying. The bartender will cut me off soon and hooking up clearly isn’t an option. “Yeah,” I say softly, suddenly feeling a bit disconnected from myself.

Jeanne takes my hand and leads me out to her car. We both get in, but Jeanne doesn’t start driving yet. 

“So what is it?”

It takes me a second to realize that she's asked me something. “What? My address?”

“No, I mean what are you upset about?”

“What makes you assume I’m upset?” I snap. I’d had enough of people being so worried about me and my feelings.

Jeanne turns to look at me. Hesitantly, she reaches for my hands. I let her take them. “Because I knew you. And you haven’t changed. Because I remember when you’d text me, drunk as all hell, about Sinjon.  _ Sinjon did this _ or  _ Sinjon said that _ .  _ Sinjon just did something really shitty but it’s fine because there’s alcohol _ . I’m not allowed to preach against drinking, but this wasn’t getting knackered for the fun of it, was it?”

I don’t have an answer for her. All I muster is a weak, “Sinjon wasn’t that bad.”

“You’re still defending him? Monty, did Sinjon even talk to you after you got expelled?”

Mutely, I shake my head. My relationship with Sinjon left much to be desired, I knew. But Sinjon made me feel less alone. He wanted me, and that was more than I could say for anyone. It didn’t matter if he was a bit older or if he wouldn’t always talk to me outside of his room. He was good to me. And he did introduce me to a wide variety of spirits.

Some part of my young heart loved him, whether he felt the same or not.

Jeanne always insisted that he did not. She always said I was his plaything and he didn’t really care about me.

“See? He used you. But that’s not my point. My point is the drunker you are, the more upset you are.”

“Good thing I’m not that drunk.”

Jeanne just looks at me for a second. She squeezes my hands and says, gently, “Do you want to talk about it?”

I shatter. They say that when you think you can’t cry anymore, there’s a point that breaks you. Usually, the break is caused by something small, barely comparable to all the other things you have to cry about.

I guess this is my break: this nice girl from my past who doesn’t want or expect anything from me; who doesn’t know about my father or any of the terrible things I’ve done. But I tell her anyway. I sob and Jeanne leans over to hug me. I tell her everything: every little thing that’s happened since I got expelled. I tell her about my father, about Felicity, about Percy.

And Jeanne listens. She doesn’t react. She doesn’t look angry or disappointed. She never interrupts me. She just listens intently, squeezing me now and then when the sobs get worse.

“...and now I think I’ve ruined what I had with the only person I had left,” I finish.

Jeanne is quiet for a few moments that feel like decades. Then she squeezes me tightly. “Henry Montague, you deserve so much better than the life you’ve been given.”

I chuckle flatly. “I’ve got it better than most.”

“Do you think that matters?”

“I think it could be worse.”

“That doesn’t mean it’s not bad.”

I fall silent, relaxing with the sound of Jeanne’s heartbeat in my ear.

We sit like that for a while, still and quiet. When Jeanne speaks, she barely disturbs the peace. “You want to stay at my place tonight?”

\---

In the morning, I wake up on Jeanne’s sofa. She’s sitting in an armchair, curled up with coffee and watching the news. She turns when she hears me stir.

“Good morning,” she says. “There’s a glass of water and painkillers on the table by your head.”

I sit up and take the painkillers. “What time is it?”

“Around eleven,” Jeanne answers.

“I should get going soon.”

Jeanne nods. “You should. But Monty, what are you planning on doing?”

“What do you mean?”

“Like about Percy.”

I hadn’t even thought about that yet. “I don’t know.”

Jeanne gives me a strange look. “I think I do,” she says. “You should apologize to him.”

I don’t respond.

Jeanne rolls her eyes. “Say sorry.”

“I know what apologize means. I just . . . don't know if Percy would want to see me.”

“Well he’s definitely not going to come to you.”

I fall silent again.

“Monty, it sounds like you and Percy have been through a lot. He’s not going to hate you for one fight. But if you never try to make things work and treat him like shit? He’s going to.” Jeanne leans over and takes one of my hands. “When I say what I’m about to say, I’m not trying to be mean. Okay?”

I just nod.

“Being friends with someone in your position can be exhausting, emotionally taxing. Especially when you love the person  _ so much _ and the thought of them being slightly in pain breaks your heart. It gets overwhelming. It’s a lot of work. You need to put in some work for Percy. I know things can be hard for you, but Percy’s life doesn’t revolve around keeping you alive. Relationships of any kind are about give and take.”

She’s right. She’s right in so many ways and I hate that. But I can’t argue with her. “How did you get so smart?” I say softly.

Jeanne laughs. “I’ve learned a lot these past few years. And you know what, Monty?”

I raise an eyebrow.

“You’ve got a lot to learn too.”

\---

I’ve been standing outside of Percy’s door for the past ten minutes or so. I probably look like a solicitor, but the thought of knocking terrifies me. I’d kill for a drink. But I need to do this. I consider texting Jeanne, but I can’t expect her to handle all my problems either. They both deserve better.

But before I can lose my nerve, the door swings open. There’s Percy, holding Kaiya on a leash. He looks shocked. “Monty?”

“I’m sorry,” I spit out before I can rethink it.

This shocks him even more. “What?”

“I said that I’m sorry,” I repeat, my voice steadier.

Wordlessly, Percy steps back to let me in.

I’m comforted when I walk in. Percy’s flat feels more like home than my own house ever did.

Percy drops Kaiya’s leash. Kaiya presses against my leg and I pet her, unhooking her leash while I do. Percy sits on the sofa and gestures for me to do the same, then shoos Kaiya.

I do. “I shouldn’t have said what I said, Perce. I’m sorry.”

Percy stares at me like he can’t believe what I’m saying. It stings.

“I’m sorry,” I repeat. “I really am.”

He doesn’t respond right away and I start to get worried. I get the absurd notion to spill all of my feelings to Percy, right then and there. I’m getting frantic, maybe a little desperate. Because I may not be entirely alone without Percy, but my life definitely revolves around him. I don’t know what I would do without him.

“How can I make this right?” I say. Percy and I have had petty squabbles before, but never anything like this. Before, none of our fights actually seemed serious. 

“I’m not a closet case, Monty,” Percy says finally. “Yeah, it might seem that way to you, but I’ve known I was gay since I was eleven.”

I stop short. Of all things for Percy to respond with, I didn’t expect that. “I’m sorry, Perce, I didn’t know.”

“Stop saying you’re fucking sorry!” he exclaims, then takes a deep breath. “I didn’t mean to yell. I’m just tired of it.”

“I’m so—” I stop before I finish the word sorry, “I didn’t mean what I said, Perce, I really didn’t. I’m just . . . I’m sick of everyone being so concerned about my father. It’s bad enough with Felicity and I didn’t want him to get in the way of us too.”

“So you get angry with me?” Percy asks, a small incredulous laugh leaving him. We’re both silent for a moment because all I want to say is that I’m sorry. “What happened with Felicity?” Percy adds quietly.

I explain the situation between Felicity and I. It seems that lately I have no idea how to stop talking about my feelings.

Percy listens, nodding when I’m done. “You’re too hard on her sometimes.”

“She doesn’t make it easy.”

“Something you two have in common.”

I frown. “I feel terrible, Percy, please just tell me what I can do to fix this.”

Percy’s demeanor softens. “Just quit apologizing already,” he says, then takes me by the collar of my shirt and pulls me towards him so our lips are barely brushing, but he doesn’t kiss me just yet. “Can you do that for me?”

My heart is suddenly beating so fast that it feels like it’s going to burst out of my chest. I don’t trust myself to speak, so I just nod. He seems to be alright with that response because he presses our lips together and pushes me back into the sofa cushions. 

\---

I fall into something of a pattern: manage uni, talk to Jeanne, spend time with Percy, avoid home. But it’s not a peaceful routine. I spend two weeks waiting for the other shoe to drop.

I’m not able to forget that my mother  _ did,  _ in fact _ , _ see Percy and I and my father would be right pissed if he knew.

Surely he knows?

But nothing happens. Not even a hint that he might know. If I’m honest, this is worse than the beating itself. I’ve toyed with the idea that my mother didn’t tell him at all, but it doesn’t seem likely.

Felicity and I don’t speak for these two weeks. Well, we speak once. She calls me a twat and tells me to get out of her way so she can make coffee before class.

I don’t know how I feel about it.

But if I’m going to have a crisis, it’s not going to be now. Percy is picking me up because I complained about him not giving me enough attention and he said that some people had jobs. The result? He’s spending his off day with me.

I’ll admit that part of my motive is solely to get out of the house, but the other part is that I genuinely missed Percy. We easily fell back into our regular dynamic and I am all the more glad for it. I’ve had a lot of time to think about my feelings for him as of late and it wasn’t hard to realize that I’d fallen hard for him.

**Perce: ** Outside

I go downstairs and do my best to silently slip out of the house. I get into Percy’s car Kaiya isn’t with him this time but I don’t ask why. Of course, he’s listening to Florence and The Machine. If I’m honest, I kind of like it but I would never tell Percy that.

“Hey,” Percy says. “Did you survive a few days without me?” he teases.

“Barely,” I whine.

Percy laughs. “I’m sorry, Monty, I have to work sometimes.”

“You don’t  _ have _ to, you know. You could just live with me. Live in my closet and I can slide food to you.”

“I’ll consider it.”

\---

Percy is giving me a strange look across the table.

“What?” I ask. “Something on my face?” My voice feels like a disturbance in the quiet diner.

Percy shakes his head. “No, just—” he stops, frowns, then continues, “are you feeling alright?”

“Smashing, darling. Why do you ask?”

“You’ve barely eaten,” Percy points out.

“Not that hungry,” I say. It’s not exactly a lie. The nerves about my father have tied my stomach into knots so tightly that the thought of eating makes me a bit nauseous.

“You’ve barely eaten for the past two weeks. What’s got you so put off?”

“Nothing.”

I expect Percy to press—at least a little—and mentally prepare myself, not wanting to get into another argument. But he doesn’t.

Percy and I finish up, pay, and leave. It’s early in the evening and the streets are slowly waking up for the night. I worry Percy is about to take me home.

But when we get into his car, he doesn’t drive the way back to my house, or his flat. I don’t ask questions, just sitting back and listening to  _ Dog Days Are Over.  _

After some time, we’re at some tiny park by a pond.

“I didn’t want to force you to part with me quite yet,” Percy says with a small smile. “I figured we could just hang out here for a while.”

“Is this your hideout for writing emo poetry, Perce?” I tease.

Percy rolls his eyes. “You wish I would show you where I write emo poetry.”

We get out and fall in step with each other. Without prompting, Percy laces his fingers with mine. I don’t stop him, and I ignore the pleasant feeling in my chest at the gesture.

We walk in silence until coming to a little patch of concrete on the edge of the pond. Percy sits, pulling me down with him. I lay my head in his lap and Percy’s fingers go to my hair. It’s still disgustingly domestic; but now I can enjoy the illusion of us being a couple.

Maybe it’s easier this way. I can be with Percy without  _ being with  _ him. But I wonder if he wants more than a hookup, not even with me. I think I want more with him, but that’s not possible, so I don’t give myself enough time to consider it.

“Are you sure that you’re alright?” Percy asks softly. “Nothing’s bothering you?”

He’s staring down at me intently, like his gaze alone could draw the truth from me.

I shut my eyes. “Just the usual, Perce.”

His fingers in my hair still for a moment, then start up again. “Your father?”

“Of course not,” I say. “Climate change.”

Percy chuckles softly and I feel his lips ghost across my forehead.

I open my eyes to meet his. I reach up, grab the back of his head, and pull him down to kiss me. Because how can I not when he’s so close I can see his freckles and he’s being all soft?

It’s obviously not comfortable for Percy to be bent over to kiss me so I end up sitting in his lap. I keep one hand at the back of his head, the other on his shoulder. Percy holds my hips.

I’m about to make an attempt at Percy’s jeans when he pushes me back, gently. “We’re still in a public park, you know,” he says, sounding breathless and only the slightest bit concerned.

“Your car, then,” I say. I completely expect Percy, my sensible, careful Percy to tell me we should just go to his flat or call it a night altogether.

Instead he says, after a few moments of consideration, “Alright.”

\---

“We’re lucky that I still had the blanket from that day in Northwich,” Percy says.

“Let it never be said that you aren’t prepared, darling,” I reply. I’m staring at the stars through the trees, my head on Percy’s chest. I dimly remember my father telling me not to run off for days with Percy again, but right now I couldn’t be bribed to be anywhere else.

Percy laughs and I feel it rumble in his chest. “I’m just saying that you should be glad. This is more comfortable than laying on grass.”

“I’m not giving you credit for forgetting to clean your car.”

“Fine, next time you can sit in the dirt and I’ll be happy on my blanket.”

_ Next time?  _ I want to ask. Instead, I say, “You’d never do that to me,” and kiss his jaw.

Percy doesn’t even argue, just turns to kiss me quickly. “No, I probably wouldn’t.” We’re silent for a few moments until Percy says, “It’s getting late.”

“Your point?” I say.

“Shouldn’t I take you home?” he asks.

“Why should you?”

He’s silent for a stretching few seconds. “Are things bad at home right now?”

I sigh. Percy has gotten braver with how far he’ll push me on this topic, but I suppose he has the right to. I can’t be angry with him when he doesn’t even know what’s got me put off. “No, not really. Nothing’s happened in a while.”

“Is that bad?”

“It makes me nervous,” I admit. It’s easier here, in the dark, where I can’t see Percy’s face but I can feel his warmth and his chest move as he breathes. “I keep waiting for the other shoe to drop; for Father to reveal that Mother told him everything and he’s got all kinds of punishment lined up. That it only took him so long because he was deciding which one was most fitting.”

“About us?” Percy asks quietly.

_ There’s an us?  _ “Yeah.”

“Monty, maybe your mom is trying to help you.”

“Maybe,” I say, though it doesn’t seem likely.

“You can stay over tonight.”

“What makes you think I was going to ask?” I say as I press my face into Percy’s neck.

Percy hums in reply. “Just a hunch.”

\---

I spend the next few days at home, slightly less nervous. Percy might have been right. Might have.

But I still feel backed into a corner.

I’m sitting on the back porch, dredging my way through an economics text book at five in the morning. I’d spent the sleepless night before debating with myself what the pros and cons of going out were. I ended up laying around and texting Jeanne until she went to bed, numbly channel flipping, then ended up out here watching the sunrise while I try to finish this chapter.

I hear the sliding door open and I jump, nearly dropping the mug of coffee I’d made. I turn and see Felicity, looking just as surprised as I do.

Felicity’s face hardens and turns to go.

“Felicity, wait,” I say, because apparently I think about feelings now. “I’m sorry.”

Felicity turns back so fast that her braid whips her in the face. Her face goes through about three emotions in seconds, ending on confusion. “Are you being nice to me?”

I sigh, “Unfortunately, I think so.”

Felicity snickers a little, coming to sit on the swinging seat with me. “Having an identity crisis?”

“Something like that,” I reply, taking a sip from my coffee.

“Maybe it’ll do you some good to be taken down a peg.”

I tug her braid lightly. “Rude.”

“Point proven,” Felicity replies, swatting my arm.

“I am holding a mug of hot liquid.”

Felicity rolls her eyes, a small smile gracing her lips. “Please, Mother would strangle you if you spilled on these cushions.”

“Fair point,” I say.

We sit in a not-awkward silence for a moment until Felicity notices the book in my lap. “Are you  _ studying? _ ” she asks.

“I am and I’m hating it.”

“I didn’t even know you  _ could _ .”

“Uni changes a man. Especially being a business major,” I say.

“Good thing I’m going to med school.”

“Someone has to be the successful child for the parents to brag about.”

Felicity rolls her eyes. “I feel like they’d rather it be the other way around; you become the doctor, I learn something menial and stay home.”

“They should just be happy that we’re both still in school.”

“Barely,” Felicity points out, giving me a look.

“I resent that!”

“Good.”

“The amount of disrespect,” I say, pouting.

“I told you that you could be taken down a peg.”

\---

I’m at Percy’s place and we’re curled up on the sofa together, my head on Percy’s chest. We haven’t spoken in a long while. It just went from kissing to this.

He’s playing with my hair, brushing out all of the tangles with his fingers. It’s disgustingly domestic, and yet I never want him to stop.

I bury my face in his shoulder.  _ I love you _ , I think to myself. And the thought is somehow less frightening now, after about a month since realizing it.

“What did you say?” Percy asks, and he’s still playing with my hair. “Sorry, I didn’t hear you.”

I hadn’t realized that I said that out loud. I start panicking a little bit, so I do what anyone would do in my situation: I completely deny it. 

“Uh, nothing.” 

He pushes himself up against the arm of the sofa so that he can look at me. I am forced to look up at him. “Are you sure? I could have sworn you said something.”

To my immense chagrin, I turn red. Whether it’s from embarrassment or anxiety, I don’t know.

“Oh, was it embarrassing?” he teases, clearly eager to know.

_ You have absolutely no idea.  _ I bury my face in his shoulder so I don’t have to look at him directly. He laughs. 

“Come on, Monty, just tell me.”

“I love you,” I say quietly. It’s like my vocal chords have betrayed me. 

I can feel his body tense up, and I brace myself for rejection. I’ve been rejected by pretty boys enough times to know when it’s coming. He sits up, pushing me off him and tilting my chin up so that he can see my face. He’s got this funny look in his eyes that I haven’t seen before. But he also looks shocked.

“Oh, Monty,” he says and there’s something like pity in his voice. 

I pull myself out of his grasp, trying to get as far away from this mess I’ve made as quickly as possible. “Sorry, I get it. I’ll just—”

“Monty,” he says my name again and something makes me turn towards him instead of getting off the sofa and running far, far away from all of my problems. 

“I love you too,” he says, and when I don’t reply he keeps going. “Goddamit, I fucking love you, Monty.” He sounds a little surprised with himself, looking just as shocked as I feel.

His words catch me off guard. My first thought is that he’s lying. He’s thinking about how I’m the poor bastard that caught feelings for his best friend and is trying to make me feel better. 

But he’s looking at me with so much admiration and awe.

“You do?” I finally say.

“Yeah,” Percy says, face softening. He cups my cheek and pulls me close.

It’s not like we haven’t kissed before. And I won’t say that it’s fireworks or my brain stops working like I’m living in a fanfiction. But I will say that this is a different kiss: slower, more measured, more genuine. I savor every second of it.

“I love you,” Percy says again against my lips, sounding reverent. If I could speak, I would too.

_ “I love you.” _ He tells me over and over. I say it back to him. We say it so many times it both loses all meaning and gains new meaning all at once. The phrase turns into something else. It stops being words, turns into raw feeling, our purest emotion. Percy and I share not spoken words but feeling through our lips.

\---

I’m standing in Percy’s kitchen, watching coffee fill a mug. Percy is still asleep on the sofa. I couldn’t sleep. It’s only around four anyhow. His sleep schedule is going to be so fucked.

I stole more of his clothes: another t-shirt and a pair of boxers. I don’t know why I like to do it much, maybe just because it gets on his nerves. But also because I just like wearing them.

The coffee machine beeps and I jump a little, lost in thought. I should be happy that things with Percy went how they did. I  _ am  _ happy. But I’m also worried. Percy loving me and wanting to be with me are two very different things. I don’t even know if I want that. I don’t even know if I’m able to do that. The closest I’ve ever had to a relationship was Sinjon, which was closer to another friends-with-benefits situation, just less friendly.

So I text Jeanne. She got herself into this by giving me relationship advice in the first place. It doesn’t matter that I was drunk off my arse the first time; she’s still stuck with me. 

**You: ** so i’m at percy’s house

Jeanne responds barely a second later.

**Jeanne: ** Oh???

**You: ** i was coerced into telling him my feelings

**You: ** and by coerced i mean he asked and i am a weak and pathetic man

**Jeanne: ** Well what did he say????

**You: ** he said he loves me

**Jeanne: ** That’s good!!!!

**You: ** we don’t know that

**Jeanne: ** How could that be a bad thing?

**You: ** i don’t know but it’s not like we’re boyfriends or anything. i don’t even know what he wants 

**You: ** or what i want

**Jeanne: ** You don’t want to be his boyfriend?

**Jeanne: ** It’s totally your choice but like

**Jeanne: ** You seemed really in love with him and he seems really good to you

**You: ** sadfnbkjadvajdfjl

**Jeanne: ** You’re a disaster

**You: ** you don’t think i know that???

**Jeanne: ** I wish I could help you but this is the sort of thing you have to work out on your own

**Jeanne: ** Talk to Percy

I put my phone down because Jeanne is clearly not going to be helpful. I don’t know what I expected her to do for me. I’m just not sure how to go about something like this.

I take my coffee and go to sit on the armchair next to Percy’s sofa. I watch him, all messy curls and beautiful bare skin, sipping from my mug now and then. For as much as I thought about Percy loving me back, now that I know he does, it’s slightly terrifying.

After some time, Kaiya lumbers over and rests her head on my lap. I pet her, dimly wishing that my parents had allowed animals when I was younger.

When my mug is empty and Kaiya is asleep at my feet, Percy stirs. He sits up, blinking for a moment before smiling at me. “Hey,” he says, and the syllable echoes inside of me.

“Enjoy your nap?” I ask.

Percy nods, grinning. I take in the sight of him. As usual, he’s marked up. I’m sure that I am too because Percy held nothing back this time.

Percy gets up. “I’ll put some clothes on.”

“There’s no need,” I tell him, gesturing for him to sit back down. 

“Oh?” he teases, “Are you enjoying the view?” 

I roll my eyes. “I feel like what we just did answers that question.”

Percy rolls his eyes dramatically in return. “Just let me get dressed. We need to talk anyhow.”

“Do we?” I ask.

He walks over and gives me a peck on the cheek. “Don’t worry about it. I’ll be back in a minute.” He grabs his clothes off the floor and goes to his bedroom.

Kaiya, who was still asleep at my feet, gets up to follow him. After a few minutes, Percy comes back out, Kaiya on his heels. She lays back at my feet and Percy makes a face. “Betrayal,” he says.

“Don’t act so surprised. You know I’m her favorite.” I reach down to pet her.

Percy scoffs as he sits on the couch. “Sit with me.”

I do. “Alright, what’s this talk about?”

“I wanted to talk about what happens now.”

“What happens now?” I echo.

“Between us,” Percy says slowly.

“Between—” I stopped myself from parroting him again. “What do you mean?”

“I mean . . . you and I have similar feelings.”

“Yes?”

“You’re making this rather difficult.”

I laugh a little. “I’m sorry. You started this almost like a parent about to have a very awkward conversation with their child. Like I’m pregnant or something.”

Percy snorts. “I think I’d start that conversation a lot differently.”

“About me being pregnant?”

“I’d be a lot less calm if you were pregnant.”

“Oh yes,  _ that  _ would be what’s different.”

And then we’re both laughing like idiots. I’m reminded that, under all of the nerves and complicated feelings, Percy is my best friend. He makes me happy. I love him for it.

When we calm down, Percy takes my hand and laces our fingers. “What I’m saying is that if we’re in similar places, could we make something of this?” he asks hesitantly.

“You want to?”

Percy gives me a strange look. “Well . . . yeah. If we’re able to, and you want to, I’d like to make something of this. Us.”

“Like . . . boyfriends?”

“Something like that,” Percy says. “Something more than hookups.”

“You want that? With me?” I ask.

“Of course, Monty.”

I’m silent for a long moment. “I think I want that too. But Perce, you know I’m not really  _ good  _ at this. I don’t know how to be in a relationship.”

Percy laughs a little. “I know.” Before I can be insulted, he adds, “But,” and takes my hands. “I’m not good at it either. I’ve never actually done anything like this. But we can figure it out together, right? I know that it won’t be the most conventional, and we’ll have some obstacles, but we’ll make it work.” He stops, squeezing my hand. “That is, if you want to.”

I nod. “I do. I love you, Perce.”

Percy smiles and pulls me to his chest, kissing the top of my head.

After a moment of savoring this I ask, “Does this mean I can steal more of your clothes?”

Percy heaves a great, tired sigh. “I don’t think I could stop you if I tried.”

“Then I’m definitely keeping this shirt.”

“The perks of having a boyfriend: more clothes,” Percy says with a laugh.

Somehow, hearing him say it makes it sound like the simplest thing in the world. I lean in and press our lips together. I know there’s a lot more to figure out with this, but at the moment, I’m too happy to complain.

\---

“Do I owe you eight pounds now?” I say, leaning against Felicity’s doorframe.

Felicity looks up from watching  _ Grey’s Anatomy _ , which she only watches to point out the inaccuracies. “What?”

I step into her room and shut the door. “It hurts to admit that you were right.”

“I usually am,” Felicity replies. “But about what ?”

I clear my throat. “Me and Percy,” I mutter. I really have no reason to tell Felicity (at least not yet) but I have to tell  _ someone _ . I’m happier about this than I’d care to admit and Felicity won’t make a big deal about it. Besides, Percy and I haven’t talked about who all we want to know; but telling Felicity is like telling nobody.

Felicity perks up. “What was that?” she asks, knowing full well what I said.

“You know what I said!”

“ _ What  _ was that?”

I sigh, doing a dramatic flop onto her bed. “Fine, you were right about me and Percy.”

“Came to your senses, huh?”

“What?”

“Well, anyone with eyes can tell you two have feelings for each other. You were the last ones to notice.”

“What do you mean?”

“How do I put this? You and Percy are the type of pair that makes everyone else feel left out. And you’re definitely the annoying couple that only has eyes for each other and is touching all the time.”

I can’t dispute her.

“I’m happy for you, though,” Felicity says. When I give her a dramatized surprised face, she adds on an ‘I guess’.

“Careful, Feli, I almost thought you had feelings.”

Felicity rolls her eyes and weakly kicks at my leg. “Why are you still here?”

**Epilogue**

** _A year later_ **

“You  _ can’t  _ keep leaving me for him.”

“Monty, you can’t blame me.”

I scoff. “I should be more important than Tan France!”

“You were asleep! And Tan France is  _ right here! _ ”

Percy abandoned me to watch  _ Queer Eye.  _ I woke up to his side of the bed empty, hearing the Fab Five in our living room. (I still get a kick from that: our living room. In  _ our  _ flat that we moved into a few months ago.)

“You could’ve at least woken me up.”

“I don’t like to do that unless I have to.” Percy gives me an apologetic smile. “I made coffee though, if you want some.”

“I do want some,” I mutter, going to pour myself a mug. “We’re not finished with this conversation, though. I won’t be your side chick when you get married to Tan France.”

“You think I have a shot with Tan?”

“Absolutely not.”

Percy pouts.

After preparing my coffee, I join Percy on the couch. “Tan France isn’t good enough for you.” I kiss his cheek.

“Are you implying that you’re better than Tan France?”

“Aren’t I?”

He nods, albeit grudgingly. My phone beeps loudly from the other side of the couch and I reach over to grab it. 

**Little Annoyance: ** we’re still meeting for coffee today, right?

“We’re supposed to meet Feli for coffee later today,” I say. 

“After your appointment, right?”

I nod. Therapy was something that I resisted for a long time, but Percy, Felicity, and a particularly rough depressive episode convinced me. Apparently, years of “living in an abusive environment” does that to you.

“What time is your session, anyway?” Percy asks.

“In an hour and a half,” I respond.

“Then you have enough time to watch Tan France with me.”

I groan, pressing my face into Percy’s shoulder. “I can’t believe you’d subject me to that.”

“You like  _ Queer Eye _ !”

“Whatever,” I reply. “Press play.

\---

Percy and I sit in a coffee shop across from Felicity, who looks more and more like a frazzled scientist every time I see her. But she looks happier.

“How are you liking dual enrollment classes?” Percy is asking her.

“It’s fantastic. There’s so much they don’t teach you in high school human anatomy.”

“Understandably,” I point out.

Felicity just grins.

Percy takes my coffee and sips from it, not having received his yet. He sets it back down immediately. “Oh my god, Monty, my teeth should have fallen out from that.”

“What?” I say, defensive.

“How do you drink something that sweet?”

I shrug, then kiss him. “Well, I guess it is a bit sweet.” I can still taste it on his mouth.

Felicity loudly clears her throat. “ _ Anyway _ .”

Percy clears his throat as well, going a bit pink.

I smile. “Where were we, Feli?”

Felicity rolls her eyes. “This is why I only see you once a month.”

“Not because your life feels sad and dark without my constant presence?”

Felicity throws a napkin at me.

A barista comes to the table to give Percy his coffee. She freezes, looking at us oddly.

“Do I know you?” Percy says.

In fact, she does look familiar. She looks about our age, with warm brown skin and wearing a headscarf.

She studies us for a second before she starts laughing. “No fucking way! Corset guy?” she asks Percy, who goes brilliantly pink.

“That would be me,” he says.

Felicity watches the exchange, looking absolutely bewildered.

“One second.” She walks over to a table by the counter and returns with another girl our age. She’s taller, black girl with hair cut close to her head. “Corset guy, corset guy’s boyfriend, this is my girlfriend, Sekai. I told her about you two on our date that night. You’re kind of legends.”

Sekai smiles. “It’s nice to finally meet the legends themselves.”

Percy is still blushing. “Oh, thanks. I’m Percy, and that’s Monty.”

“I’m Sim, by the way,” the girl in the headscarf says. 

We make small talk for a couple more minutes (including explaining the entire situation to Felicity) before Sim has to get back to work, and Felicity to studying. 

“We have to meet up again!” Sekai says, and then asks for us to put our contacts into her phone. 

After promising to stay in touch, Percy and I leave and walk down the street together, hand in hand. Things have a funny way of working themselves out, and I’m definitely not complaining about it. 


End file.
